Head Injury in Kids

Posted on October 26th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Parenting, Vital Signs of Healing, medicine.

This is a VERY common concern that I see at work.  ”My kid has fallen and hit their head.”

This article clarifies that the VAST majority of head injuries in kids are nothing to worry about and do not need imaging.

Kids under 2:  If they have “normal mental status, no scalp haematoma except frontal, no loss of consciousness or loss of consciousness for less than 5 s, non-severe injury mechanism, no palpable skull fracture, and acting normally according to the parents”, then they are at very low risk, and they do NOT need imaging.

Kids over 2:  If they have “normal mental status, no loss of consciousness, no vomiting, non-severe injury mechanism, no signs of basilar skull fracture, and no severe headache”, then they are at very low risk, and they do NOT need imaging.

They obtained a total of  14,969 CT scans and only 0.1% needed neurosurgical intervention.

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Wear a HELMET!

Posted on October 17th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Parenting, Virtue, Vital Signs of Healing, medicine.

My ENTIRE family wears helmets when they ride bikes, skateboard, razor, etc.  I started wearing a helmet after I saw an 11 year old girl die before my eyes when I was in training.  She was roller blading on her street and a car at low speed hit her.  She tore one of the main arteries in her brain, and you could see the blood gushing out of her nose–it was very graphic and memorable.  Wear a HELMET!

I am always amazed at how few kids wear helmets in my neighborhood even when driving around in the motorized scooters.  Wear a HELMET!

I just received an email about a kid who was not wearing a helmet and fell off his skateboard and had multiple skull fractures and a severe concussion.  This is what his mom said in her email:  ”If there is a lesson as a parent that Mark and I have taken, it is to hug your child every day and look at them for the perfect creatures that they are, and as a true gift from God.  Don’t sweat the small stuff, because life can change in an instant!  And, . . . to make them WEAR A HELMET, even if they think they are too cool.  That includes us as parents, as I will be purchasing myself one before our next bike ride.  So to my friend Patricia, who I always see riding with her helmet on and giggle, I will soon be in your club!”

Wear a HELMET!

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Reunion Relationships

Posted on October 16th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Evil and Suffering, Healing, Love, Men on the Path, Parenting, Spiritual Growth, Vital Signs of Healing, marriage.

It finally happened. They found me.  I wasn’t hard to find although I have been missing since I was a little boy.  They knew me when I was ‘in my prime’ or so they say.  I abandoned them once as I transitioned into a different social group.  I was added to their brief email banter just prior to our 20th college reunion.

I am no different than all the rest.  Men don’t do relationships well.  We lack the gene or we are raised within environments that continue to perpetuate the small talk training, distant/missing father figure woundedness that continues the cycle.

Although my dad and I have been through counseling together (shocking, awkward, and painful–really you should try it) and connected in deeper ways (yes, we even hug, at times!), it still amazes me how quickly we fall into small talk going on and on with the safe, meaningless discussions of the weather as if there is any weather to talk about in Southern California.

My freshman roommate had found my email and folded it into the rest of my dormmates email list to reunite just prior to the reunion.  I faded from their lives while I was still in college when I joined a fraternity, and since college, I have faded from my fraternity fellows as well.

Have I learned how to relate.  Not much.  Do any of us?  2 of my closest friends know when my relationship receptors have maxed out.  One of them will even cut our conversation short and say, “I’ll call you later.” (knowing that I have shut down and tuned out).  My other friend asks, “Is the turtle’s head out of his shell today or not.” (funny and sad)

Most men really do live alone.  Yes we are married with kids, co-workers, and a few buddies, but we are still alone with no one to share our fears and hopes.  I can share story after story of men who have told me that they are ‘buddies’ or ‘close friends’ or ‘best friends’ and who are convinced that they know each other well.  But with some deeper sharing time, I find that they don’t REALLY know each other at all.  This is no fault of their own.  It is in our genes and from our environment, our upbringing.  We major in the minors of small talk–sports, weather, politics, etc.

If there is anything that I have learned over 20 years, it is simply that I don’t do relationships well.

About 10 years ago, I took a risk and stepped out with my wife and shared with her my final ‘skeleton’ in my closet of secrets, and our marriage has been transformed from good to truly amazing.

About 7 years ago, I took a risk and stepped out with a friend of mine and shared some of my deepest hopes and fears, and he didn’t laugh or run away, and our relationship is now one of those unique, transformational relationships: you can turn to in time of crisis, tell ALL, and share ALL.

About 5 years ago, I took a risk and slowly developed another transformational relationship with another friend.

About 3 years ago, I went to counseling during a crisis time in my life.  It was awkward, stressful, but important.  I learned a great deal about myself, and how I was ‘trained’ to disconnect, never to show emotions or need to be connected.  But in a time of crisis, I found the importance of my wife and my friends–thank God that I had developed those deep, intimate relationships!  ”Emotions are a window to reality.” At least that is what my counselor told me.  I am still working to understand that reality.

Do I know anything about relationships? Not really.  But I am so thankful that I took risks.  My relationships with my wife and my 2 ‘best friends’ continue to grow—far too slow for them–but for the turtle–they are moving at just the right speed.

Regrets? A few. Learnings? Yes. Hopes? That my friends would take risks, do the hard work, lean into their relationships–in the end–it is ALL that matters, and when the going gets tough (as I have learned it WILL), there is nothing like a friend and a wife who are by your side laughing and crying with you.

Advice. Be more vulnerable, take more sharing risks, take the time to develop your marriage (it is HARD work, and easier to go to work for many of us…but it is worth it–this I DO know.) and find a friend who you can relate to and start to do the tough, awkward work to develop a true relationship.

1 comment.

I am not enough!

Posted on October 15th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Evil and Suffering, Healing, Love, Men on the Path, Parenting, Spiritual Growth, Value, Vital Signs of Healing, marriage.

I am NOT enough! My eyes have FINALLY been open to this reality.  Most of us have this ‘wound’ but we just don’t know it.  I have written a brief summary of my learnings to help us all to learn from our past so that we may grow spiritually and emotionally in the future:

“Drew, can you be 1st base coach?” How hard could that be? The player’s are only 5 years old so all I had to do was point them in the direction of 2nd base, say, “great job!”, and my job was done. Or was it? My dad came up to me afterwards and said, “You know that you could have coached them more.” How many times has your mom or dad told you that you could have done a better job at something? Well at 35 years of age, my dad’s comment went on deaf ears until I mentioned it in passing to my wife. She thought his comment was significant, and comments such as those can have a lasting impact especially when you are young.  When she said this, I shared with her those times when I was young that my dad would critique one of my school projects, and he would insist that I throw it out and start all over.

More recently, I followed my father-in-law’s advice and bought a new barbeque from the exact same store and arranged the details of the delivery just as he instructed me. I proudly mentioned to him that I had left just the right amount of money on top of the old bbq so the delivery man would willingly take it away when he delivered the new bbq. When I showed off my new bbq to my father-in-law, I couldn’t get the propane tank hooked up to the bbq because my new bbq had a different attachment than my old one. My father-in-law said, “Oh, I always have the delivery man make sure and hook up the propane tank to the bbq before they leave to make sure that it works.” Finally, I recently had the pleasure of trying to pass a kidney stone. Not wanting to miss any work, I arranged to have it extracted during my vacation time. In passing, I mentioned to my retired father-in-law that I had only missed 1 day of work in 11 years. He said, “I missed 1 day of work in 30 years.” Have there been times in your life when your mom and dad have ‘zinged’ you (probably not even knowing that they had)?

Our dad’s (sometimes our mom’s) tell us over and over again as we are growing up—You are NOT enough! In so many subtle and not so subtle ways. This is the wound that so many men (and women) carry with them. It creates a fiercely critical spirit, a chip on our shoulders, and abrasive arguments when anyone tries to give us “constructive criticism”. We become our dad. It was only recently that a friend pointed this “I am not enough” wound out to me.  It was life changing to begin to process what it meant, how often I responded to my wife and others because of it, and how to learn and grow from it.

There are many practical ways that knowing about this wound has transformed my life.  In the past when I would write an article, I would immediately ask my wife to proof read the article for me.  When she would quickly use the red marker to slash and destroy what I thought was an almost perfect article, I would respond in a fury.  Now I see that I was only responding to my childhood experiences of not being enough.  My wife now knowing my wound has taken it upon herself to help heal my wound.  When I ask for her to proof read anything that I have written, she will affirm me, put it aside for at least 24 hours, and then she will slash away with her red marker.  It is amazing how quickly I become unattached to my work, and then can handle her critiques and edits much better.

My wife and I have an amazing marriage, but we have our share of arguments.  To my surprise, most of our arguments revolve around my “not enough” wound.  We argue because I feel that she has told me that “I am not enough”.  It can be simply because she told me that I loaded the dishwasher the wrong or that I should drive around the block again so my oldest son will be late to a birthday party because he does better when he is not the only kid there.  Yes, believe it or not this can set me off because I feel she is critiquing my driving and my favorite mantra that being early is one of life’s valuable secrets.

Two things have occurred since my “wound” was discovered.  Our arguments still occur, but they are much shorter and often end in laughter.  A less obvious by-product of my discovery stems from my wife’s repeated comment, “Ok already, I got it.  You are not enough.  When will it stop being about that!”  The wound is now so obvious and so prevelant that we both can laugh about it.  I have been healed enough through the process to laugh and with my wife’s encouragement to even tell myself, ‘Get over it!’

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Piercing the veil to our hearts

Posted on September 28th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Evil and Suffering, Healing, Love, Men on the Path, Parenting, Spiritual Growth, Vital Signs of Healing, marriage.

I love to read, but so often, I read and read and read but nothing sinks in, nothing stills my heart, nothing pierces soul.  Last night these words pierced my veil.  If only I was willing to allow God to tear down my veil how free, how joy filled, how wonderful marriage, friendship, fatherhood CAN be if we allow Him in….if we allow our wife and our closest friend(s) in to see our true heart and soul.
“What but the presence of a veil in our hearts? a veil not taken away as the first veil was, but which remains there still shutting out the light and hiding the face of God from us. It is the veil of our fleshly fallen nature living on, unjudged within us, uncrucified and unrepudiated. It is the close-woven veil of the self-life which we have never truly acknowledged, of which we have been secretly ashamed, and which for these reasons we have never brought to the judgment of the cross. It is not too mysterious, this opaque veil, nor is it hard to identify. We have but to look in our own hearts and we shall see it there, sewn and patched and repaired it may be, but there nevertheless, an enemy to our lives and an effective block to our spiritual progress.

Self is the opaque veil that hides the Face of God from us. It can be removed only in spiritual experience, never by mere instruction…There must be a work of God in destruction before we are free. We must invite the cross to do its deadly work within us. We must bring our self-sins to the cross for judgment. We must prepare ourselves for an ordeal of suffering in some measure like that through which our Saviour passed when He suffered…

Let us remember: when we talk of the rending of the veil we are speaking in a figure, and the thought of it is poetical, almost pleasant; but in actuality there is nothing pleasant about it. In human experience that veil is made of living spiritual tissue; it is composed of the sentient, quivering stuff of which our whole beings consist, and to touch it is to touch us where we feel pain. To tear it away is to injure us, to hurt us and make us bleed. To say otherwise is to make the cross no cross and death no death at all. It is never fun to die. To rip through the dear and tender stuff of which life is made can never be anything but deeply painful. Yet that is what the cross did to Jesus and it is what the cross would do to every man to set him free. Let us beware of tinkering with our inner life in hope ourselves to rend the veil. God must do everything for us. Our part is to yield and trust. We must confess, forsake, repudiate the self-life, and then reckon it crucified.

There comes a moment when its work is finished and the suffering victim dies. After that is resurrection glory and power, and the pain is forgotten for joy that the veil is taken away and we have entered in actual spiritual experience the Presence of the living God.

Lord, how excellent are Thy ways, and how devious and dark are the ways of man. Show us how to die, that we may rise again to newness of life. Rend the veil of our self-life from the top down as Thou didst rend the veil of the Temple. We would draw near in full assurance of faith.”–Pursuit of God by Tozer

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How David Beats Goliah: HARD Work, Listening, & Great Coaching

Posted on September 8th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Book Reviews, Parenting, Spiritual Growth.

I have thoroughly enjoyed Malcolm Gladwell’s writing.  I recommend all 3 of his books: Tipping Point, Blink, & Outliers.  He also has a website which contains much of his articles/writing.  I found this very interesting and, at times, inspiring article about Basketball, hard work, coaching, and life.

Let us know your thoughts.

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Brown Widow Spiders

Posted on July 15th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Parenting, medicine.

Who knew? We found a brown widow spider on the outside of our garage door AND we found one at our kids school!  So they are definitely out and about.  Be aware that when your kids are ‘hunting’ the huge orb spiders that come out in October every year that they could run into one of these.  Has anyone else seen these? brown-widow(link to article from Emegency Medicine Journal)

1 comment.

Age old wisdom from Junior Guards

Posted on July 12th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Parenting, Spiritual Growth.

At the end of summer Junior Guards Banquet, the Junior Guard Instructors picked a boy and girl that they felt exemplified being a Junior Guard.  EVERY single one of the instructors said 1 of 3 things about each of these boys and girls.  These boys and girls showed 1 of 3 things that made them stand out among their peers:

  1. They were ENTHUSIASTIC.
  2. They were ALWAYS SMILING.
  3. They ALWAYS said THANK YOU.

Too simple? No. That is ALL it takes!

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What I wish I learned in the 6th grade

Posted on May 15th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Apologetics, Parenting.

I had the pleasure of teaching my son’s entire 6th grade class.  I have volunteered to teach every year on medical topics.  This year I taught on the scientific method, logical argumentation, inference, metaphysics, and a few pearls of wisdom. Click on the yellow tab at the bottom of this post to listen to the teaching time and the GREAT questions that the kids asked.

Please share your thoughts.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Mother’s Day Advice on Parenting

Posted on May 11th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Parenting, Spiritual Growth.

Uberlumen has been lacking parenting content.  This is a lecture from a panel of mom’s on mother’s day.  They have incredible wisdom and insights into parenting.  Here are a few points:

  • Thankfulness is the password into God’s presence
  • Our family of origin has SO MUCH influence on who we become
  • Christ can heal our family of origin wounds
  • Our marriages shape our children’s character

Please share with us your thoughts and learnings after you listen to these amazing women share their lives and parenting wisdom.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

1 comment.

Best Kids Games: Ticket to Ride

Posted on April 19th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Parenting.

The game of the trip this year was: Ticket to Ride!  I have listed some of the GREAT kids games and it is one of them, but this year we learned Ticket to Ride and my 12 year old and 6 year old LOVE it.  In fact, there is a Ticket to Ride European version that has some tweaks to it that make it just as fun as the original.  This is a great family, thinking, strategy game for kids 8 and up.

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House of Speed Grand Opening

Posted on December 2nd, 2008 by uberlumen.
Categories: Parenting.

The Grand Opening for House of Speed in Orange County is this Sunday, Dec. 7 from 2-4 at Mariners Christian school.   Kids can watch if they don’t want to participate.  Don Beebe the founder and ex pro football player will be there.  He is a great speaker and person.  Please tell anyone you know that you think might have an interest in this to attend Sunday.  Have them register at website houseofspeed.com

any questions?? email Denny:denny.spruce@houseofspeed.com

Mariners christian School is at:

300 Fischer Avenue, Costa Mesa, CA 92626

Telephone 714.437.1700

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Men’s Topic #8: Superhero’s

Posted on November 22nd, 2008 by uberlumen.
Categories: Bible Study, Evil and Suffering, Healing, Men on the Path, Parenting, Sermon Notes, Spiritual Growth, Vital Signs of Healing, marriage.

I had an ‘aha’ moment several weeks ago.  Most of the successful men that I know are superheros.  Yes men of steel.  These men are able to detach in a moment’s notice, disengage from wives and family, and ‘puff up’ and plow through any situation.

These men come from wounded back grounds.  Family of origin nightmares.  A distant father and an overbearing mother.  At least one of their parents is inevitably an alcoholic or worse.  At a VERY early age these men hide behind perfection.  When the drunk mom and the distant dad become too much, they amp up and shut off ANY emotions from the outside world and OVER achieve, over and over again.

Over and over again, I hear the same story–abandoned by dad and living with a crazy mom who must spend all her energy raising the prodigal younger brother so the eldest son emerges to save the day: captain of the football, track, AND wrestling team….and did I mention validictorian?  abandoned by a distant dad and living with a drunk mom too spent to supervise the youngest and last kid in the house so this son rises up to MVP of the water polo team, etc.  SAME story different details!

When these men grow up it is no surprise that they live Thoreau’s ‘quiet lives of desperation’ sealed off from any emotions from any chance of intimacy and deep meaningful relationships.

I was amazed by listening to the author of “The Shack” (a MUST read) who described himselft as just such a man hiding his baggage-his “shack”, as he called it, behind him while he hid his true brokenness from the world by perfectionism.

Please enjoy this presentation regarding so many men’s hidden secret: They are superhero’s.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Mentos and Diet Coke

Posted on November 15th, 2008 by uberlumen.
Categories: Parenting, you tube clips.

My kids loved this one and we periodically do this experiment in our backyard.

How to do mentos experiment

This is how we do it!

1 comment.

MARRIAGE TIPS & RESOURCES

Posted on November 7th, 2008 by uberlumen.
Categories: Healing, Love, Parenting, Spiritual Growth, Vital Signs of Healing, marriage.

Marriage is hard work, but it is worth the effort.

If you are having a hard time with your marriage:

1. Don’t give up! Studies show that divorce can be truly devastating to you, your spouse, and especially your kids.1 2

2. Get professional help!  Don’t try and work through your issues on

your own. Read these books, go to marriage retreats, and get into

consistent marriage counseling.

3. Set down healthy patterns! Find or read about good patterns and then follow them.

 

RESOURCES:

MARRIAGE TOP 10 ‘TIPS’

 

BOOKS TO READ:

1. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

2. His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Hartley

3. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman

4. Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires,The Respect He Desperately Needsby Emerson Eggerichs

5. Night Light: A Devotional for Couples by the Dobson’s

 

As always, PLEASE share with us your insights and comments below.

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House of Speed Training for our kids

Posted on October 24th, 2008 by uberlumen.
Categories: Interviews, Parenting, Spiritual Growth.

A Christian brother of mine that lives in my neighborhood has started a new adventure.  He was my youngest son’s AYSO soccer coach so I know that he is truly AMAZING with kids.  I hope and pray that his new adventure continues to grow and prosper.  Here is an email about what House of Speed is all about and the layout of each training session.  Questions? Call Denny!  Denny Spruce at 949.706.7035-office or 949.500.0015-cell or denny.spruce@houseofspeed.com

Here is the flow of each session:

  • Character Discussion- This includes scripture, references, and/or discussions about what it is and how it looks.
  • Dynamic Range of Motion (DROM)- These exercises not only get the kids warmed up safely, they also train the muscles to get into the proper position for optimal speed, agility, and explosiveness. 
  • Skip Drills- These exercises emphasize getting the right body parts in the right positions and applying force to through those positions.  They need the muscle memory to make this happen with each step and without thinking.
  • Work-out Drills- These routines are used to train and develop specific muscles and movements.  This may include ladder drills to core strengthening to resistance training.
  • Play- Just what it sounds like, but they getting to use what they learn.
  • Prayer- Closing prayer

We videotaped the group running during the first session and we will video new members each week.  In the next week or so we will video everyone again.  We will then show them elite athletes, their first run, and their second run and give feedback.

Also in the next week or so we will start to time them in certain drills and runs.  These times will be posted on the My Speed section of the House of Speed website which you will have access to.  They will be able to chart their progress and be able to compare themselves to other HOS athletes of the same age, gender, etc.  They will also be able to see the national HOS records.  They are pretty impressive. 

Here is a complete summary that should field any other questions:  House of Speed

Enjoy this brief interview with Denny, and as always please leave your comments!


Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Vital Signs of Healing: VALUE-Are You Enough? Lecture

Posted on October 16th, 2008 by uberlumen.
Categories: Bible Study, Parenting, Spiritual Growth, Value, Vital Signs of Healing, marriage, medicine.

Please enjoy a brief lecture on the Vital Signs of Healing: VALUE asking the age old question are you enough?

There are 4 books that I mention during this lecture:

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

The Bible

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Vital Signs of Healing: VALUE-Are You Enough? Q&A

Posted on October 13th, 2008 by uberlumen.
Categories: Bible Study, Parenting, Spiritual Growth, Value, Vital Signs of Healing, marriage, medicine.

This is the GREAT discussion time that we had concerning VALUE.  Join us! Share with us YOUR answers and please leave us a comment below.

The Vital Signs of Healing: VALUE handout: vital signs of healing: value

Here is a brief list of YOUR answers to this VITAL question:

What are some ways that we can show our patients that we think that they have value or that we think that they are ‘enough’?

  • put yourself at their level
  • eye contact
  • show kindness and help out even when it is not your patient
  • do a little extra if you see a need
  • getting to know them beyond their chief complaint
  • communicate consistency between the doctor and the nurse
  • not about you
PLEASE share with us YOUR answers by posting a comment below. THANKS for joining us!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Vital Signs of Healing: VALUE-Are You Enough? Introduction

Posted on October 10th, 2008 by uberlumen.
Categories: Bible Study, Parenting, Spiritual Growth, Value, Vital Signs of Healing, marriage, medicine.

Enjoy this brief audio introduction to the curriculum entitled: Vital Signs of Healing.  There are 4 physical vital signs and 4 Vital Signs of Healing: Love, Value, Virtue, and Healing.  This is an introduction to a lecture about the Vital Sign: VALUE.  We had this picture up on the screen for part of our discussions:

Who do YOU most relate to in this picture? And why? Please leave us your insights by adding a comment below.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

1 comment.

Small Group WISDOM from Mark

Posted on September 13th, 2008 by uberlumen.
Categories: Bible Study, Love, Parenting, Spiritual Growth, Value.

Enjoy this WONDERFUL interview with Mark regarding how to lead a small group of teenagers.  In this short interview Mark points out some KEY points:

  1. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!  Mark made it clear to his high schoolers that they were NEVER ALONE! Probably the most important point for a teenager to absorb into their souls.
  2. I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY or DO!  As parents our kids especially our teenagers HAVE TO know that we love them no matter what happens, no matter what their choices.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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