LAWSON COACHING & CONSULTING » Parenting

Being Realistic is Over-rated

uberlumen — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 13:10:01 +0000

“Being realistic is the most common path to mediocrity…The moment you decide to be realistic you can pretty much guarantee that is what will happen…”-Will Smith

Is anyone else tired of being realistic? A saboteur (or gremlin) is a self limiting voice that whispers into our mind. The saboteur is the voice that “shoulds” on us. It tells us what we should do not what we can be.

Realistic is the penultimate saboteur. I can hear the voice: “You will never be able to do that, be realistic.”

Let us today press pause on that voice, and listen to the other voice-the voice that speaks to our heart and soul. The voice that says, “You can do it!”

The Number One Sign of a True Leader

uberlumen — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 03:18:56 +0000

My 9 year old son asked my wife if he could leave the school auditorium during a lecture on classical music appreciation to play with his friends. My wife said, “No you need to stay for the lecture.” My son disobeyed her and went outside to play with his friends, and he got caught and admonished by one of the teachers.

My wife has told him that he now must go today to appologize to the teacher admitting to her that he was wrong and that he is sorry.

You should see the tears that came from this. He is very upset. But this is a life lesson: Admit when you are wrong and say you are sorry.

I was reminded of Eisenhower’s letter and Lincoln’s humility. Eisenhower when he was the commander of the allied forces held in his coat pocket a letter addressed to the troops and to the world admitting that he was entirely to blame for the failure of D-Day invasion (obviously he never had to send it). Lincoln was always ready and willing to admit his failures and mistakes.

The #1 sign of a true leader is humility which shows itself by admitting when you are wrong and being willing to say we are sorry.

What Do You Want Your Button to Say?

uberlumen — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 05:02:38 +0000

One of my friends and partners took apart his Staples “That was Easy” button and rewired it to say a special statement to one of his sons. I LOVE his creativity, but unfortunately it sounded like a lot of work.

It made me think of what I would have the button say to me if I could rewire it. Answer: The minions laughter from Despicable Me movie. Why you ask? Because I specialize in Reserved calm, leading from my mind rather than from my heart… The laughter button would remind me to laugh more. BTW-I downloaded the minions laughter ring tone and whenever my kids call from home, my cell phone plays the laughter and makes me laugh out loud!

Knowing the Language of Appreciation

uberlumen — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 18:06:17 +0000

I had a fascinating conversation with a USC Business School Professor last week. He pointed out that only 37% of employees feel appreciated at their job, and the majority don’t trust their leaders. What would a world look like where employee’s felt truly appreciated?
Are these employees being shown appreciation, but it isn’t landing? What do you need to hear to feel appreciated? It is different for different people. I feel appreciated when I am verbally affirmed, but my bride feels appreciated when I give her my undivided attention.
So maybe these employees are being appreciated, but they are not feeling appreciated?? How could we better learn how to show our appreciation in the “language” that would be heard by our employees, co-workers, spouses, kids? Curious? I have some GREAT ideas on how to REALLY show those around you that you appreciate them. Email me if you are interested!

What if the Secret to Success Is Failure?

uberlumen — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 02:05:40 +0000

Wow! Really? One of the themes of the coaching world is: Celebrate Failure!

In this New York Times article Paul Tough points out that the students that stay in college are not necessarily the super smart, super students. It turns out it is the student that has exceptional character strengths (e.g. optimism and persistence and social intelligence). These are the students who can recover from a set back, a bad grade, etc. and be resolved to do better next time…”the kids who make it are the ones who can tell themselves: ‘I can rise above this little situation. I’m O.K. Tomorrow is a new day.’”

How do kids get this? FAILURE. We need hardship to build this resilience. ”The idea of building grit and building self-control is that you get that through failure, and in most highly academic environments in the United States, no one fails anything.”-Dominic Randolph

The Age of Overwhelm?

uberlumen — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 22:51:18 +0000

I have recently had some interesting conversations with 20 somethings who are STRESSED! Stressed about relationships, about school, about work, about life. They feel overwhelmed and anxious.

I have recently had some interesting conversations with 30 somethings who are STRESSED! kids running around zapping their intimacy, chaos creating lack of connection, overworked, overwhelmed.

I have recently had some interesting conversations with 40 somethings who are STRESSED! Ok. You get the idea.

Stress is everpresent. We hear that our 20′s are supposed to be carefree time to enjoy life. We hear that our 30′s are time to settle down and make a family….etc. But we let our 20′s pass by with busyness, stress, overwhelm, and our 30′s pass by with a marriage that dissolves from lack of intimacy, lack of connection…

What are we to do?

20′s: Develop the skills to recognize and manage stress

30′s: Create healthy patterns in our marriages–daily time outs with our spouse to check in and really connect/communicate, find scheduled times for intimacy, date each other, recognize the importance of Mom and Dad’s relationship coming ahead of the kids.

Cat Girl: Creative, Unique, Hear Me Meow

uberlumen — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 02:27:16 +0000

My son came home from high school today sharing the story of cat girl with us. There is a girl in several of his classes that wore cat ears and face painted cat whiskers to school today. The teacher asked why she was dressed up like a cat, and she announced to the class that it is October, and she dresses up as something new every day in the month of October.

I LOVE it! I told my son that is a girl you want to get to know. Can you imagine the teasing that she must endure at high school to do her own thing? It must be immense, but she does it anyway!

Hats off for Cat Girl! Creative, Unique, Hear Her Meow (or roar? maybe she will be a lion tomorrow?)

I have a guy that could use some coaching…

uberlumen — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 00:22:39 +0000

I am in the process of building my coaching practice. I LOVE coaching, but the marketing piece….not so much. When I ask around & share the incredible testimonials from those who I have coached, most people think or say, “I don’t need coaching…but I might know a guy who could use some coaching…”

I clearly will never be a ‘marketeer’ but coaching is not what someone else could ‘use’ or ‘need’. Coaching is the unique opportunity to learn how to flourish, to learn how to live a life of fulfillment. If we were to score on a 1 to 10 scale each segment of our lives (our marriage, relationships, work, play, parenting, etc.), what numbers would we see? Are we living life to the fullest? Coaching is a gift. It is the place to discover what a 10 looks, sounds, tastes, and feels like! Can you imagine that?

Coaching has transformed my life and the lives of my clients. It is an opportunity to learn & develop the know how to live your most fulfilling life, to live in the present (the land of the now here rather than the land of nowhere), to discover the power of choice, to laugh & live more…Now who doesn’t want some of that?!

Nerve Lesson #12: Open Up To Fear Unconditionally

uberlumen — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 00:14:01 +0000

Nerve by Taylor Clark is a great read. It is an entertaining and insightful look into fear. He shares some key methods to deal with fear, anxiety, and stress. I didn’t say overcome fear because our fears are here to stay (for the most part). The hero’s of the world acknowledge the fear and move forward with it.

Lesson #12: Open up to fear unconditionally.
“There’s nothing wrong with feeling anxious, ever, over anything at all. Fear and anxiety are part of who we are. Once we drop the pointless, wrongheaded routine about needing to get rid of them, we can carry fear and anxiety around with us through life like friendly companions. Instead of battling fear, we just let it happen, and when the fight against it dissolves, so does the torment. We slowly learn to live in harmony with fear, anxiety, and stress, expecting them to show up and welcoming them when they do.”

Nerve Lesson #11: Keep Your Eyes On A Guiding Principle

uberlumen — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 03:44:21 +0000

Lesson #11: Keep your eyes on a guiding principle.
“Fear, anxiety, and stress can make the universe seem chaotic and bewildering, so it’s always helpful to have a compass to steer you through the maelstrom…devotion to personal values is a crucial part of learning to live with anxiety and stress…our emotional pain helps highlight what’s really important to us…’If you flip anxiety over, it tells you what you care about, what your values are’…”

“He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.”-Friedrich Nietzsche