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— Sarah Lawson
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Loading ...Sex & Intimacy Class
Posted on October 17th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Spiritual Growth, marriage.
My bride and I are teaching the pre-married class at Mariners again on the topic that we have been teaching on for years: Sex & Intimacy in Marriage.
All couples are welcome to join us. It is very interactive and a fun topic to talk about.
When: 9:30am-11:30am, Saturday, October 31, 2009
Where: Live Development Building, Room 205, Mariners Church in Irvine
Reunion Relationships
Posted on October 16th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Evil and Suffering, Healing, Love, Men on the Path, Parenting, Spiritual Growth, Vital Signs of Healing, marriage.
It finally happened. They found me. I wasn’t hard to find although I have been missing since I was a little boy. They knew me when I was ‘in my prime’ or so they say. I abandoned them once as I transitioned into a different social group. I was added to their brief email banter just prior to our 20th college reunion.
I am no different than all the rest. Men don’t do relationships well. We lack the gene or we are raised within environments that continue to perpetuate the small talk training, distant/missing father figure woundedness that continues the cycle.
Although my dad and I have been through counseling together (shocking, awkward, and painful–really you should try it) and connected in deeper ways (yes, we even hug, at times!), it still amazes me how quickly we fall into small talk going on and on with the safe, meaningless discussions of the weather as if there is any weather to talk about in Southern California.
My freshman roommate had found my email and folded it into the rest of my dormmates email list to reunite just prior to the reunion. I faded from their lives while I was still in college when I joined a fraternity, and since college, I have faded from my fraternity fellows as well.
Have I learned how to relate. Not much. Do any of us? 2 of my closest friends know when my relationship receptors have maxed out. One of them will even cut our conversation short and say, “I’ll call you later.” (knowing that I have shut down and tuned out). My other friend asks, “Is the turtle’s head out of his shell today or not.” (funny and sad)
Most men really do live alone. Yes we are married with kids, co-workers, and a few buddies, but we are still alone with no one to share our fears and hopes. I can share story after story of men who have told me that they are ‘buddies’ or ‘close friends’ or ‘best friends’ and who are convinced that they know each other well. But with some deeper sharing time, I find that they don’t REALLY know each other at all. This is no fault of their own. It is in our genes and from our environment, our upbringing. We major in the minors of small talk–sports, weather, politics, etc.
If there is anything that I have learned over 20 years, it is simply that I don’t do relationships well.
About 10 years ago, I took a risk and stepped out with my wife and shared with her my final ‘skeleton’ in my closet of secrets, and our marriage has been transformed from good to truly amazing.
About 7 years ago, I took a risk and stepped out with a friend of mine and shared some of my deepest hopes and fears, and he didn’t laugh or run away, and our relationship is now one of those unique, transformational relationships: you can turn to in time of crisis, tell ALL, and share ALL.
About 5 years ago, I took a risk and slowly developed another transformational relationship with another friend.
About 3 years ago, I went to counseling during a crisis time in my life. It was awkward, stressful, but important. I learned a great deal about myself, and how I was ‘trained’ to disconnect, never to show emotions or need to be connected. But in a time of crisis, I found the importance of my wife and my friends–thank God that I had developed those deep, intimate relationships! ”Emotions are a window to reality.” At least that is what my counselor told me. I am still working to understand that reality.
Do I know anything about relationships? Not really. But I am so thankful that I took risks. My relationships with my wife and my 2 ‘best friends’ continue to grow—far too slow for them–but for the turtle–they are moving at just the right speed.
Regrets? A few. Learnings? Yes. Hopes? That my friends would take risks, do the hard work, lean into their relationships–in the end–it is ALL that matters, and when the going gets tough (as I have learned it WILL), there is nothing like a friend and a wife who are by your side laughing and crying with you.
Advice. Be more vulnerable, take more sharing risks, take the time to develop your marriage (it is HARD work, and easier to go to work for many of us…but it is worth it–this I DO know.) and find a friend who you can relate to and start to do the tough, awkward work to develop a true relationship.
I am not enough!
Posted on October 15th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Evil and Suffering, Healing, Love, Men on the Path, Parenting, Spiritual Growth, Value, Vital Signs of Healing, marriage.
I am NOT enough! My eyes have FINALLY been open to this reality. Most of us have this ‘wound’ but we just don’t know it. I have written a brief summary of my learnings to help us all to learn from our past so that we may grow spiritually and emotionally in the future:
“Drew, can you be 1st base coach?” How hard could that be? The player’s are only 5 years old so all I had to do was point them in the direction of 2nd base, say, “great job!”, and my job was done. Or was it? My dad came up to me afterwards and said, “You know that you could have coached them more.” How many times has your mom or dad told you that you could have done a better job at something? Well at 35 years of age, my dad’s comment went on deaf ears until I mentioned it in passing to my wife. She thought his comment was significant, and comments such as those can have a lasting impact especially when you are young. When she said this, I shared with her those times when I was young that my dad would critique one of my school projects, and he would insist that I throw it out and start all over.
More recently, I followed my father-in-law’s advice and bought a new barbeque from the exact same store and arranged the details of the delivery just as he instructed me. I proudly mentioned to him that I had left just the right amount of money on top of the old bbq so the delivery man would willingly take it away when he delivered the new bbq. When I showed off my new bbq to my father-in-law, I couldn’t get the propane tank hooked up to the bbq because my new bbq had a different attachment than my old one. My father-in-law said, “Oh, I always have the delivery man make sure and hook up the propane tank to the bbq before they leave to make sure that it works.” Finally, I recently had the pleasure of trying to pass a kidney stone. Not wanting to miss any work, I arranged to have it extracted during my vacation time. In passing, I mentioned to my retired father-in-law that I had only missed 1 day of work in 11 years. He said, “I missed 1 day of work in 30 years.” Have there been times in your life when your mom and dad have ‘zinged’ you (probably not even knowing that they had)?
Our dad’s (sometimes our mom’s) tell us over and over again as we are growing up—You are NOT enough! In so many subtle and not so subtle ways. This is the wound that so many men (and women) carry with them. It creates a fiercely critical spirit, a chip on our shoulders, and abrasive arguments when anyone tries to give us “constructive criticism”. We become our dad. It was only recently that a friend pointed this “I am not enough” wound out to me. It was life changing to begin to process what it meant, how often I responded to my wife and others because of it, and how to learn and grow from it.
There are many practical ways that knowing about this wound has transformed my life. In the past when I would write an article, I would immediately ask my wife to proof read the article for me. When she would quickly use the red marker to slash and destroy what I thought was an almost perfect article, I would respond in a fury. Now I see that I was only responding to my childhood experiences of not being enough. My wife now knowing my wound has taken it upon herself to help heal my wound. When I ask for her to proof read anything that I have written, she will affirm me, put it aside for at least 24 hours, and then she will slash away with her red marker. It is amazing how quickly I become unattached to my work, and then can handle her critiques and edits much better.
My wife and I have an amazing marriage, but we have our share of arguments. To my surprise, most of our arguments revolve around my “not enough” wound. We argue because I feel that she has told me that “I am not enough”. It can be simply because she told me that I loaded the dishwasher the wrong or that I should drive around the block again so my oldest son will be late to a birthday party because he does better when he is not the only kid there. Yes, believe it or not this can set me off because I feel she is critiquing my driving and my favorite mantra that being early is one of life’s valuable secrets.
Two things have occurred since my “wound” was discovered. Our arguments still occur, but they are much shorter and often end in laughter. A less obvious by-product of my discovery stems from my wife’s repeated comment, “Ok already, I got it. You are not enough. When will it stop being about that!” The wound is now so obvious and so prevelant that we both can laugh about it. I have been healed enough through the process to laugh and with my wife’s encouragement to even tell myself, ‘Get over it!’
Married Life Live!
Posted on October 13th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: marriage.
Welcome Back! We are starting up MLL again.
The format for MLL is fun, informal, and interactive. We will eat together, and talk about how we can have better intimacy and great marriages.
Friday, October 23 from 6-9pm (Dinner and childcare provided)
6-7pm Family Dinner
7-9pm Marriage Seminar
TOPIC: “A Healthy Marriage”
Guest Speaker: Lana Bateman, Chaplin to Women of Faith & President of Phlippians Ministry
Location: Hicks Canyon Elementary School, New Multipurpose Room (3817 Viewpark, Irvine, CA 92602)
Sign-up or for more information please let us know. You can email us at uberlumen@uberlumen.com or call 949-400-5216
View Hicks Canyon Elementary School in a larger map
Piercing the veil to our hearts
Posted on September 28th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Evil and Suffering, Healing, Love, Men on the Path, Parenting, Spiritual Growth, Vital Signs of Healing, marriage.
Men’s Group: Why show up? What is in it for me? The storms will come.
Posted on September 24th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Bible Study, Evil and Suffering, Men on the Path, Spiritual Growth, marriage.
We had a football quiz to kick off our fall series: Quiet Strength by Tony Dungy (The Bible Study), and then we spent some time talking. Mostly small talk….but we also spoke of the importance of being in a men’s group. Do you ever wonder why? Do you worry about not fitting in? Do you have ‘better’ things to do with your time? I don’t blame you. I understand. I had those thoughts myself, but I took a risk and started to show up and my life has never been the same. The men in my life have rescued me.
We discussed Matthew 14:22-33. Jesus calms the storm. 75% or more of men in America don’t have a friend that they can turn to in a ‘storm’. I am reminded of 2 men who shared with me that they knew each other very well and were close friends, but when we started going deep under the surface, it became clear very quickly that they didn’t truly ‘know’ each other much at all. This is the norm. We walk through life completely alone with the facade of knowing each other.
10 years ago, I jumped out of the boat by sharing with a friend one of my deeply held ‘secrets’, and little by little we continued to grow closer and closer knowing everything about each other, our past, present, and future struggles, fears, and dreams. I have never felt so free, peace filled, and truly alive knowing that there is someone that I can turn to with ALL my fears.
Then the storms came….and I had a friend who was there with me when I was drowning, suffocating, and had no where else to go….he held onto me and kept me from drowning when the waves were crashing over me.
I don’t know any other way to tell you. One day, I decided to just show up to a men’s group even when I really ‘couldn’t'–too busy, bad time of the day, too early, etc. By showing up, my life has been transformed–my marriage, my family, EVERYTHING–I now have friends that know more about me than I know about myself. Join us! AND bring a friend along for the adventure of a lifetime.
The storms will come. Who will be there for you? How will you survive?
“But what if your heart be right with God, and yet you are pressed down with a load of earthly trouble? What if the fear of poverty is tossing you to and fro, and seems likely to overwhelm you? What if pain of body be racking you to distraction day after day? What if you are suddenly laid aside from active usefulness and compelled by infirmity to sit still and do nothing? What if death has come into your home, and taken away your Rachel or Joseph or Benjamin and left you alone, crushed to the ground with sorrow? What if all this has happened? Still there is comfort in Christ. He can speak peace to wounded hearts as easily as calm troubled seas. He can rebuke rebellious wills as powerfully as raging winds. He can make storms of sorrow abate, and silence tumultuous passions, as surely as He stopped the Galilean storm. He can say to the heaviest anxiety, “Peace, be still!” The floods of care and tribulation may be mighty, but Jesus sits upon the waterfloods, and is mightier than the waves of the sea (Ps. 93:4). The winds of trouble may howl fiercely round you, but Jesus holds them in His hand, and can stay them when He lists. Oh, if any reader of this message is broken-hearted and care-worn and sorrowful, let him go to Jesus Christ, and cry to Him and he shall be refreshed. “Come unto Me,” He says, “all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28).”-excerpt from Holiness by J.C. Ryle
Contempt is the key to a BAD Marriage
Posted on September 4th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Book Reviews, marriage.
I was reminded of some powerful marriage tips and principles from one of John Gottman’s great marriage books when Gottman’s research was brought up in Blink by Malcolm Gladwell.
Gladwell points out that Gottman has done detailed, objective research to find traits that can sink any marriage. The primary trait that will ruin a marriage? CONTEMPT.
- HUMILITY through serving her, putting her ahead of yourself, learning to love her the way that she needs to be loved
- BROKENNESS–being willing to acknowledge your own faults and inadequacies helps to break the contempt cycle
- CONFESSION–share with her your brokenness, be volunerable with her, allow her to see the real you–flaws and all.
- working at making our marriage better
- being WILLING to change and serve your spouse
- dating other men–deep, meaningful relationships with a few men has helped me to be a better husband (and person)
- spending time in the appreciation room (see Love Dare book for details)–leaning and training myself to look at and appreciate her for all her beauty and for who she is–being grateful for her.
- walking with Christ–prayer, Bible study, learning more and more about His love, humility, service, sacrifice
There is more to follow….
Marriage is an adventure and a journey not a destination, and just like when you said I do to her and to Christ, it is just the beginning–the relationship (sanctification) is the adventure.
7 Ways to Get Your Man to Talk
Posted on August 23rd, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: marriage.
Here is a 2 page 7 step way to get your husband(or wife) to talk to you more:
The ZERO Club: open, honest, transparency
Posted on July 31st, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Spiritual Growth, marriage.
I continue to ‘preach’ the importance of transparency/honesty in our relationships to our wives. This is NOT easy. when I finally shared my last ‘skeleton in my closet’ with my wife, it was a very long stressful discussion, but it transformed our marriage. Over the years, very few men (and women) have taken our advise to open up the closets of our past to our spouse (and to your closet friends) (note: it is not necessary and can be harmful and too painful to share all specific details of the ‘skeletons’ in the closets of our past-keep it general.)
Yesterday I got an email from a friend who shared that he opened his final ‘skeleton’ with his wife and it was incredible for him and his relationship with his wife.
It is my hope that more and more of us can experience the freedom, forgiveness, and intimacy that open, honest, transparency provides.
Let me know if you need any guidance/help in becoming a member of the “ZERO club”
Here is what he shared with me:
“The ZERO club…
Sex, Marriage, Intimacy and Screwtape Letters: chapters 18-19
Posted on June 1st, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Love, Sermon Notes, Spiritual Growth, Vital Signs of Healing, marriage.
The Love Dare (Alex Kendrick)
- Highlight Loc. 42-46 | Added on Sunday, May 24, 2009, 07:03 AM
The Love Dare journey is not a process of trying to change your spouse to be the person you want them to be. You’ve no doubt already discovered that efforts to change your husband or wife have ended in failure and frustration. Rather, this is a journey of exploring and demonstrating genuine love, even when your desire is dry and your motives are low. The truth is, love is a decision and not just a feeling. It is selfless, sacrificial, and transformational. And when love is truly demonstrated as it was intended, your relationship is more likely to change for the better.
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The Love Dare (Alex Kendrick)
- Highlight Loc. 930-35 | Added on Sunday, May 24, 2009, 07:10 AM
Yet this great blessing is also the site of its greatest danger. Someone who knows us this intimately can either love us at depths we never imagined, or can wound us in ways we may never fully recover from. It’s both the fire and the fear of marriage. Which of these are you experiencing the most in your home right now? Are the secrets your spouse knows about you reasons for shame, or reasons for drawing you closer? If your spouse were to answer this same question, would they say you make them feel safe, or scared? If home is not considered a place of safety, you will both be tempted to seek it somewhere else.
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The Love Dare (Alex Kendrick)
- Highlight Loc. 938-47 | Added on Sunday, May 24, 2009, 07:12 AM
The Bible says, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18). The atmosphere in your marriage should be one of freedom. Like Adam and Eve in the garden, your closeness should only intensify your intimacy. Being “naked” and “not ashamed” (Genesis 2:25) should exist in the same sentence, right in your marriage?physically and emotionally. Admittedly, this is tender territory. Marriage has unloaded another person’s baggage into your life, and yours into theirs. Both of you have reason to feel embarrassed that this much has been revealed about you to another living soul. But this is your opportunity to wrap all this private information about them in the protective embrace of your love, and promise to be the one who can best help him or her deal with it. Some of these secrets may need correcting. Therefore, you can be an agent of healing and repair?not by lecturing, not by criticizing, but by listening in love and offering support. Some of these secrets just need to be accepted. They are part of this person’s make-up and history. And though these issues may not be very pleasant to deal with, they will always require a gentle touch.
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The Love Dare (Alex Kendrick)
- Highlight Loc. 953-55 | Added on Sunday, May 24, 2009, 07:13 AM
(Psalm 139:2?4). And yet God, who knows secrets about us that we even hide from ourselves, loves us at a depth we cannot begin to fathom. How much more should we?as imperfect people?reach out to our spouse in grace and understanding, accepting them for who they are and assuring them that their secrets are safe with us?
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The Love Dare (Alex Kendrick)
- Highlight Loc. 1689-90 | Added on Sunday, May 24, 2009, 07:15 AM
Even its boundaries and restrictions are God’s ways of keeping our sexual experiences at a level far beyond any of those advertised on television or in the movies.
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The Love Dare (Alex Kendrick)
- Highlight Loc. 1699-1701 | Added on Sunday, May 24, 2009, 07:16 AM
This same oneness is a hallmark of every marriage. In the act of romance, we join our hearts to each other in an expression of love that no other form of communication can match. That’s why “the marriage bed is to be undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4). We are not to share this same experience with anyone else.
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Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Men’s Group: Calvary Road, Highway to Holiness, Chapter 4
Posted on May 21st, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Men on the Path, Spiritual Growth, marriage.
The road to Holiness:
- As a Christian, you will always remain on the road to holiness
- The journey is called: sanctification
- ways to not stumble on the road:
- physical exercises–kneeling at your bedside every morning to remind you to bend a knee to His will every day, fasting, etc.
- spiritual exercises–prayer, authentic community: take off your mask with a close friend daily/weekly (confess and share the intimate details of your life), time in God’s word, or as Francisco has said: “When I wake up every morning, Jesus is waiting for me.” (a focus on Jesus throughout the day, and looking for God moments even in the tough times of your day)
PLEASE read Dave’s wonderful comment below (just click on the ’1 comment’ in yellow in the right hand corner of this post or click on this post title and you will be sent to a page with his comment below).
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
SEX! Why wait? What does the Bible really teach about it?
Posted on May 14th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Apologetics, Bible Study, Sermons, Spiritual Growth, marriage.
Here is a GREAT sermon by Mike Erre regarding what the Bible teaches us about sex. Please share with us your thoughts/comments. This is from his study of 1 Corinthians 6-7.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Men’s Group: Fellowship from Calvary Road, May 13, 2009
Posted on May 11th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Evil and Suffering, Healing, Love, Men on the Path, Sermon Notes, Spiritual Growth, Vital Signs of Healing, marriage.
The progression of the chapters in Calvary Road is significant. We started with brokenness, then went to confession/cleaning our lives (cups) up so we can fill them with the Holy Spirit, and now we turn to fellowship.
Years ago I kept secrets from my wife, and one day I finally ‘confessed’ and ‘cleaned’ out ALL the skeletons in my closet (cup). It was a scary, crazy, and bold move that kept us up talking until 3am. I was scared of her not forgiving me and not understanding me. She did both.
Shortly after my cup was clean 2 things happened. My marriage went from great to amazing. The comfort in KNOWING that there was nothing to hide freed us up to have a depth and peace and intimacy that I would have never dreamed of.
The second thing that happened is that I learned to share my dirty cup with other men. I found several men who were willing and that I felt save enough with to share my deepest fears and struggles. I talk and meet with these men weekly. This has transformed my relationship with my wife, with Christ, and with everyone around me. A very large weight has been lifted from my soul, and I have a place to run and hide when things get overwhelming.
Hession in chapter 3-The Way of Fellowship outlines the importance of fellowship in shaping our lives and our relationships with our spouses, our friends, and our God.
Through the years, I have continued to try and coach and encourage other men to ‘date’ each other. There is a richness to life that is sorely lacking without this process. But it takes men SO LONG and most NEVER are able or willing to get there.
The only way to do it is by finding a guy that you feel comfortable with and you take a few baby steps by sharing some private struggles or sins. See how they respond, If they respond in kind and with understanding then dig deeper and continue to share more. As you trust more and learn to share more, you will find that your marriage is better, your walk with Christ is deeper, and your life is richer.
Any questions?
Calvary Road, Chapter 3, Fellowship quotes:
But if we have not been brought into vital fellowship with our brother, it is a proof that to that extent we have not been brought into vital fellowship with God
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Sin always involves us in being unreal, pretending, duplicity, window dressing, excusing ourselves and blaming others–and we can do all that as much by our silence as by saying or doing something.
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The only basis for real fellowship with God and man is to live out in the open with both.
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Spurgeon defines it in one of his sermons as “the willingness to know and be known.”
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We must be willing not only to know, but to be known by him for what we really are. That means we are not going to hide our inner selves from those with whom we ought to be in fellowship; we are not going to window dress and put on appearances; nor are we going to whitewash and excuse ourselves. We are going to be honest about ourselves with them. We are willing to give up our spiritual privacy, pocket our pride and risk our reputations for the sake of being open and transparent with our brethren in Christ.
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We have not necessarily got to tell everybody everything about ourselves. The fundamental thing is our attitude of walking in the light, rather than the act. Are we willing to be in the open with our brother–and be so in word when God tells us to?
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When the barriers are down and the masks are off, God has a chance of making us really one. But there is also the added joy of knowing that in such a fellowship we are “safe.”
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Jesus wants you to begin walking in the light with Him in a new way today. Join with one other–your Christian friend, the person you live with, your wife, your husband. Drop the mask.
FEEDBACK FORM: Married Life Live Session #2, May 1, 2009
Posted on May 7th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: marriage.
We hope you enjoyed our second session. Please fill out this brief survey to give us feedback so we can make our next session better.
Married Life Live, Session 2: Only Jesus can heal wounds.
Posted on May 7th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Evil and Suffering, Sermon Notes, Spiritual Growth, marriage.
- performance wound
- not enough wound
- distand dad and/or mom
- not sensitive (family of origin-distant-did not express feelings)
- non-emotional-grow up afraid of emotions/expression of emotions
- self sufficient wound (can do life on own)
- acts of service
- words of affirmation
- touch
- quality time
- gifts
- put Jesus first–then marriage will follow
- let Him rule, submit to Him otherwise it doesn’t work
- Jesus is the glue.
- example of forgiveness & grace
- unconditional
- grow closer to Him by prayer, reading Bible, fellowship
- avoid conflict
- perfection
- inadequate
- feeling valued/desirable
- not loved
- lack confidence
- favoritism/suppressed feelings
- expectation
- criticism: this is a BIG one. It is NEVER worth it! You WILL NOT change him/her by criticism.
- trying to fix a problem
- feeling not valued or under valued and undesirable
- open and share
- healthy disagreement
- acceptance
- speaking truth
- gentleness
- support/encoragement
- perspective
- unconditional love
- Jesus loves us/rejoices in us
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Marriage Life Live: Date Night with a Purpose, Friday, May 1
Posted on April 29th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: marriage.
FRIDAY, MAY 1 FROM 6:30-8:30pm
Meeting location at Rod and Amy Kamps’ home (28 Montclair, Irvine, CA 92602) and children meet at the Northpark Clubhouse.
This group is for all married couples at Pathways Church. The format for MLL is fun, informal, & interactive. We will eat together, watch movie clips, and talk about how we can have better intimacy and great marriages.
We will be charging a nominal fee for food for adults and kids:$15 per couple for food and $5 per child for childcare and the kids food.
Directions to the Clubhouse: going North on Culver turn left onto Portola. Take the first left which is Gate Park. Tell the guard that you are going to the Kamps’ home and the clubhouse. As you pull through the gate, the Clubhouse building will be directly in front of you and its parking lot is to the right.
Directions to the Kamps’ home from the Clubhouse: Make a right out of the parking lot, turn right on Meadow Valley, right onto Grass Valley and right on Montclair, end at 28 Montclair.
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Men’s Group: March 11, 2009 Humble Love
Posted on March 18th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Bible Study, Men on the Path, Spiritual Growth, marriage.
We had a great time last week talking about humble love. So much of our spiritual journey must be a continual effort to submit and trust in God even in all the stress and craziness of life. Here are the discussion questions. Please share your thoughts.
Married Life Live, Session 1: Are You Enough?
Posted on March 12th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Men on the Path, Spiritual Growth, marriage.
Below you will find a powerpoint presentation that I taught from back in 2004 regarding the “I am not enough” concept. Please enjoy the slides and the audio summary of this important relationship point. And as always share your comments with us.
2 books that are great on this topic:
The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
FEEDBACK FORM: Married Life Live Session #1, March 6, 2009
Posted on March 10th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: marriage.
Please fill out this survey to allow us to make our future MLL sessions as good as they can be for YOU. Thanks!
Married Life Live Session #1, March 6, 2009 SUMMARY
Posted on March 9th, 2009 by uberlumen.
Categories: Men on the Path, Spiritual Growth, marriage.
Enjoy the audio summary of our teaching and here are your answers:
Ways the women feel loved:
- affirmation–positive comments, gratitude
- phone calls during the day
- listen (turn-off TV, electronics) and listen without solving the problem
- maintain peace if ‘mom’ is feeling upset
- no selective hearing
- pray together
- affection (non-sexual)–hand holding, kissing, etc.
- committment to purity (ex. victoria secret commercial, movies-selective etc.)
- empathy
- relifef with kids & house chores
- balanced parenting (teamwork)
- listening and following through (ex. listening to a book that was mentioned and then buying it for us)
- date night (planning it from start to finish–including setting up a babysitter)
- respecting in-laws and boundaries with in-laws
- family and couple time as a priority
- affirm us without asking (“you are my hero.”)
- give us grace, forgive and forget–don’t bring up the past and don’t use the past against us
- support our passions/hobbies & learn to enjoy our activities
- understand our stress
- speak with softer tones in your voice and without nagging
- speak highly of us with your friends
- trust our decisions
- allign and stand behind us when we are parenting our kids
- give us down time…respect our space
- (am I forgetting anything?) the men did mention that the top 3 ways that they feel respect is: #1 SEX. #2 SEX. #3 SEX.
Please share with us your comments & feedback.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download